Exemplar Writing

Here are some exemplar writing responses that I put together using the words of some of our students. Each student wrote a writing response based on Fox. The question was about a scream heard near the end of the story. The students were asked if it was a scream of triumph or despair. Some of the kids had questions as to who made the scream so they also had to identify that in their response.

I think that fox’s scream was both triumphant and sad. I think that fox’s scream was both because he would have done what he wanted to do but he would have still been lonely (William). I think it was fox’s scream because if dog screamed it would have been too far away for Magpie to hear (Josephine). The reason why Fox took Magpie was because Fox had no friends and no one to be there for him. He thought that if he was alone, then they had to be alone as well (Marian). I think fox realized that with this act of brutality, he had not gotten further to his goal of having a friend. He would have gotten even further away from his goal by blowing the chance of having not one, but two companions to ease the pain of all the loneliness and rejection he had suffered in his life (Calvin). Fox deceived Magpie and Dog who trusted him. This trust was betrayed and he was still at square one-lonely and alone (Sage).

I think the horrendous scream that Magpie heard was of despair, not triumph. I think it was Dog who made the cry (Fraser). I think so because dog would be lonely and really sad. He would also feel betrayed and helpless (Eric). Dog and Magpie were the dearest of friends and when Magpie left, Dog would feel despair (Scott). Dog helped Magpie when her wing was burnt (Fraser), and now Dog would only have one eye leaving him helpless. What they went through together would mean nothing anymore (Brayden). If I were Dog, I would miss that feeling of Magpie not being on my back (Annika).

The kids and I just read through both of these answers and highlighted what we though made them so good. Here is what we came up with:

Juicy Words

Organization: introduction, conclusion, body is organized in a way that makes sense

Feeler Phrasing: words that may not be juicy but are put together in a way to make your heart feel something

Proof from the text

Variety: in sentence types, in sentence lengths, words